Thursday, September 6, 2018

A visit with my therapist

Today I had an appointment with my therapist. It was very emotional and I cried a lot over the things that have been happening to me with my older children over the past month. But my life has been about processing, learning and then teaching others from what I have learned along this path of healing. I’ve been very transparent with my life for the past 23 years of advocating. I have no hidden agendas of selfishness when it comes to serving my community. However, this child who is now a 32 year old adult has had my personal and public apology for not being the mom that she deserved to have when I was just 15 years old. I have acknowledged that I was emotionally and physically absent and completely dissociated from my four older children. I take full accountability for that but not for any other horrendous abuse that they are implying that I committed against them. I had no tools whatsoever to be a parent. My trauma and my pain was all that I saw and nothing else beyond my pain. I began to heal emotionally and mature mentally when I finally hit rock bottom in my life. I started counseling and drug rehabilitation for my addictions. I was never a perfect mother but I did the best that I could under the circumstances that I was going through at the time. Today I’m no longer that broken woman. Today I use my past experiences and my mistakes to help other survivors that like myself are caught in that fog of victimhood and don’t see anything beyond their pain. My life experiences have been more helpful to other survivors than any degrees or any book about trauma in the world. I can talk about child abuse or sexual abuse and the after effects of the abuse. I can talk about being sex trafficked. I can talk about domestic violence. I can talk about being the mother of a child that sexually abused a younger sibling. I can talk about all of these issues because I have lived through all these traumas in my life. My oldest daughter is doing this because they wanted me to completely dissociate myself from my other daughter because of what she did to her youngest siblings when she was a child. She herself was also sexually abused at age 5 by my uncle. Here is the thing, I’m still the mother to all of them. I love them all no matter what mistakes or crimes they’ve committed in their lives. I have validated my younger children by reporting to the police and doing everything that I was supposed to do to validate the victims. The authorities didn’t proceed to arrest her because she was a child at the time of the abuse. That doesn’t excuse her behavior but coming from my professional perspective this was a child that was acting out because of the sexual abuse that she was suffering by my uncle. There has also been a sibling rivalry since they were little girls and they used this against her to hurt everyone involved in their immediate family. I don’t choose sides with anyone but they are all my flesh and blood. What better way to show their bitterness against me than by attacking my reputation and my advocacy work. The very things that I’ve worked so hard doing for many years. I keep looking for the lesson in this whole mess but I cannot find it. Yet my therapist shares with me her own ordeal with her children. How she has been shunned and abandoned by everyone because of these allegations against her by her own children. She tells me “But I’m here now helping you through your pain the same pain that I have suffered by my own children. This is going to hurt you for a very long time but you will make it.” I’m crying uncontrollably and we embraced in a hug. She dries her tears and says; “This is one more trauma that you will be able to speak about and help other parents that are facing through the same problems with their children. You have been transparent with everything in your life and that makes you so much more beautiful and so much more valuable to the world.“ Don’t give up your gifts for the bitterness of others. Take care of yourself, protect your circle, but continue to show the light and the consequences of abused children that reflects years later after the abuse in their own families. There is no book in the world that can teach the true feelings of a survivor of any type of trauma unless you have truly experienced the trauma. There isn’t anyone that can judge you if they haven’t walked your horrors not even your own children.”

Wow! Such empowering and uplifting words from another colleague. I’m grateful for her transparency and for the gift of her wisdom. A gift that only through pain and many tears I choose to continue sharing with my survivor community.

Thank you for reading.

Cecibel Contreras
Chief Executive Officer
It was Me Campaign, Inc.
Incest Survivors United Voices of America, Inc.


  1. I admire you. Learning to rebuild yourself after being knocked down again and again is so such an inspiration! I hope some day all your children are able to understand your journey and struggle to take all your broken pieces and put them back together again and again. Please never give up, you inspire us. Leticia

  2. I never use my Google account really Cecibel, but apparently when my dtr blessed me with this phone, we set up the Google & it automatically popped up when I clicked "Comment" on your blog shared on FBI by Harold. Thank you.. Thank your therapist. Thank God for you Both. I had my own therapy session yesterday..and want to thank you with all my heart, for doing the work to heal yourself further; & as an advocate, SHOW how it's done. If you find time to reply to me, please realize I may not see it since I rarely, to never, use Google email. I'm super busy downsizing & prepping to sell my house, but I take my breaks often as I can, on facebook or texting. Matter of fact, if u could ever feel comfortable thru texting, please hit me up.. & if you ever have chance to actually talk, pls let me know! Ty again. Blessings ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ–ค V La Vie Kendrick's 830-370-9919


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